Which Game Cannot Be 'Brought Into Disrepute'?

Rugby league. It is a game populated by thugs, louts, mouth breathers and rapists. Any accusation of 'bringing the game into disrepute', is to be considered redundant, be it by salary cap breach, poor sportsmanship, sexual misconduct, assault, breach of contract, embezzlement, slander, match-fixing etc. etc...  The game of rugby league is itself disreputable.

What Is The Best 'Family' Film?

As all right-thinking people know, Back to the Future is the best 'family' film ever made. Most 'family' films are designed to appeal to children and do not engage adults. The best 'family' films speak to something more universal, while generally keeping the plucky younger folk at the centre of things. Back to the Future is by far the most successful 'family' film and also the best 'movie' of all time. There are much worse ways to spend an evening with your blood and brood than watching Back to the Future. If you are single and friendless, watch it alone. It is a film which plays well in mixed company. The best praise one can heap on this grand achievement is repeated viewings in the company of those who appreciate the film. It is also a good idea to 'double bill' with the sequel.

One should be wary of the third part in the trilogy, although it does have its charms and even a belly laugh or two. However, the film, like its protagonists, appears stuck. For some reason, the sequel-baiting endings of the first two films feel more complete and joyous than the conclusion of the trilogy. Happy viewing!

What To Say To A Friend At The Termination Of Their Long Term Romantic Relationship

"I know that nothing I or anyone else can say to you at the moment means anything, and I will not tell you that things are going to get better, because you will come to realise that without being told, and will once again exhibit the same qualities which attract people to you. You remain my friend. Would you care for some more tequila?"

A Girlie Quote For International Women's Day

To mark International Women's Day, a quotation from proper girlie Edith Sitwell.

"Eccentricity is not, as dull people would have us believe, a form of madness. It is often a kind of innocent pride, and the man of genius and the aristocrat are frequently regarded as eccentrics because genius and aristocrat are entirely unafraid of and uninfluenced by the opinions and vagaries of the crowd."

Are There Any Acceptable Breeds of Small Dogs?

It is a truth universally acknowledged that the German Shepherd is king of dogs. The noble bearing and sublimely proportioned frame of a good subject leave even the mildest of dog fanciers in awe. Large dogs are superior to smaller ones in practically every way. They are of particular worth in the hunt, the protection of one's estate and the conveyance of brandy. Though the comically protracted Dachshund or the plucky Corgi may initially delight, this is mere novelty. Small dogs are to generally be viewed as a waste of money and a decidedly unwise receptacle of affection. 

There is, however, one exception to the rule, and this is the papillon. The papillon exhibits a grace which betrays its regal heritage, and the dog is possessed of those most desirable of canine qualities - loyalty, personality and obedience. Such characteristics are often lacking in members of the spaniel family. That the papillon is without great strength or fierceness is unfortunate, but no matter.

Yes, there is indeed one type of small dog deserving of your sausage links and hearth. If circumstances prevent you from owning or properly caring for a German Shepherd or other large dog, a papillon will suffice. 

A Subject Common To Many Worthwhile Films

Generally speaking, a film which takes media as its primary focus is a good one. There are few examples of bad films with media as a central concern.There are also many cracking films which feature media prominently, but cannot be said to be 'about' media, shining examples being The Hudsucker Proxy, The Insider, The Killing Fields and Citizen Kane. A notable exception to the rule may be the film Morning Glory, and as such I have seen fit to avoid it. It should also be noted that the use of flashbulbs, notebooks and press cards placed in gentlemen's hats are all most desirable in moving pictures. Herewith a list of good, very good and grand films which deal with the subject of 'media'.

Play Misty For Me, Network, The Social Network, Talk Radio, The Paper, All The President's Men, Salvador,  Shattered Glass, Quiz Show, Broadcast News, Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas, The King of Comedy, Talk To Me, Videodrome, The Running Man, The Sweet Smell of Success, To Die For, Good Night & Good Luck, Pump Up The Volume, Series 7: The Contenders, Anchorman: The Legend of Ron Burgundy. 

The very good actor Peter Sarsgaard admonishes the weaker though well-cast actor Hayden Christensen in a tense scene from the very good/grand film Shattered Glass.

The idiosyncratic and mercurial Eric Bogosian in the superb Talk Radio. 

Well-known Jewish actor Dustin Hoffman and future Quiz Show director Robert Redford in a still from the 1976 film All The President's Men.

What Should I Have On My Fried Eggs?

Salt, pepper, Tabasco sauce and HP sauce on the side. Branston Pickle on the weekends. Olive-based spreads are perfectly acceptable, and toast should be made from breads of many grains.

The Correct Album To Use In Comparison To Radiohead's The King of Limbs

The Secret Migration by Mercury Rev.

Practically Everyone Is Wrong About Black Swan But Me

There are a few misconceptions around this film I thought I should clear up. Here are the proper things to think about Black Swan.

1. It is not a film about ballet or the search for perfection.


This is an easy mistake to make. The ballet is just a device. This is a horror film about sex. Everyone who mentions Dario Argento in their reviews is on the money. This film is about ballet the way Tenebrae was about writing novels, Opera was about opera or Suspira was about, well, ballet.

2. The best bits of Natalie Portman's performance are the non-gruesome bits.


So everyone is all like 'N-Ports shows herself in pain and turns into a swan and it's all Oscar bait'. Well,she actually did a really good job in the role, and not because her feet bled or she practised dancing. Her quiet, timid stuff is what sells the film. The show-y stuff was the least convincing. She did a really good job at being a shy, put-upon kid.Good job.And it IS ACTING, unlike what those eggheads over at Slate would have you believe.

3. Again people, it's a horror film. And there's nothing wrong with that.


I like horror films when they're done well. They can be taut and claustrophobic - High Tension, The Descent, The Texas Chainsaw Massacre - or they can be operatic and surreal, like the Italian films of the seventies and eighties. Argento again. It is OK to enjoy this without shouting 'Cheesy!' Black Swan is an operatic horror film done well. That is enough. It is not worth arguing about whether it is all right for intelligent people to have a good time watching it. And it is not 'camp' like those eggheads over at Slate would have you believe.

4. Yes it is funny.


Black Swan is ridiculous and ridiculous is funny. That's fine. It's not worth asking 'is it meant to be?' like those eggheads over at Slate.